-The last time I saw you, you were telling me about
buying stuff for your baby, and then I went out
and bought stuff for your baby. -Yeah.
I made a subtle — I subtly dropped a hint to you that you should
buy me something for my baby. -“I have a baby.
I need stuff.” I´m like, “Okay.
All right.” [ Laughter ]
-Thank you so much. Well, I´m so happy to see you
since the last time I saw you, because, you know, Trump
talks about fake news a lot. You were also a victim
of fake news, which is better than being
a victim of what this said. I read that you
were shot dead recently. And, uh…
[ Laughter ] Were you shocked
when you read this? -I was, I was.
-Yeah. -´Cause I do the shooting.
-[ Laughing ] Yeah. -I was thrown back. You know what´s weird is,
when you see that, you don´t know about it. You´re the last person
to know about it. -Right.
-So everyone, like, phones you, and then everyone could, like,
be phoning your family. And then the weirdest is when
people send you a text going, “Dude, are you dead?”
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-And I always go — I go, like, “What do you think
I´m gonna…?” So sometimes I just don´t reply.
-Yeah. And then, it´s like, whatever. -They slowly piece together,
“This is very bad news.” -Yeah.
But I mean, that´s the Internet. Welcome to fake news.
-Welcome to fake news. You and I
are both in the business of talking about politics.
-Yes. -So right now, we´re talking
about the president a lot. -Right.
-I have heard you say that you actually relate to him
not as a politician, but you relate
to him as a stand-up comedian. -Well, I think that´s a part
of Donald Trump I relate to. You know, I always think we try and put Donald Trump
into one box, and I think
he lives in many boxes… [ Laughter ] …one of them being the box
that he´s a stand-up comedian. You probably see it in him. Like, he goes out,
he practices his jokes, he works on his material. You can see him trying it out.
-Yeah. -Like, he´ll be like,
“What do you think? Sheriff Arpaio?
What do you think? What do you think?”
[ Laughter ] And you can feel,
he´s like, “Yeah.” And the crowd cheers,
and he´s like, “Oh, I´m working on that bit.
I´m working on that bit.” And he, like —
he, like, works the material, he grows it,
he goes out there. And then you can feel
when it´s starting to get old, like, he´s like,
“Who´s gonna pay? Mexico!” And some jokes
you feel the crowd sort of like, “Yeah, yeah,
new jokes, new jokes. We get it.” -Yeah, and it is true, like,
´cause “build the wall,” I feel like that
was just a bit that crushed. -That was it. -And then, now he realizes
he has to build a wall. -Yeah. -And it was just
a killer comedy bit. -Well, can you imagine
if we had to do the things we said in our jokes.
-Exactly! -I mean, I would be like, “I don´t want to be
a comedian anymore.” -Yeah. If Larry the Cable Guy
actually had to get ´er done… [ Laughter ] …his life would be impossible. Do you have any notes
on his performance? -Look, I mean,
just work on new material. Try something new.
I was impressed with him today, like, working with
the Democrats. That shook everybody up.
-Yeah. -I was like, “Okay, okay.
That´s something different. That´s something new.” And Republicans were like,
“Wait. I´m sorry, the what? The what? The who?” Even Democrats were like,
“You want to work with us? You want to work with…?” Yeah, this is new. -I mean, do you think Democrats,
when that happens, feels like,
“Is this some weird prank when he reaches out
to be helpful?” -I don´t know.
I don´t know. I think people are just,
like, “Just do it. Just do it now
while he´s, like, here. Just do it.”
-Yeah. -Because Trump goes,
“I walk into a room, let´s make a deal, let´s speak,” And I think Chuck Schumer
knows him well enough. Because, I mean, they used
to hang out in New York. And he´s like,
“Yeah, let´s do it, Chuck. Let´s just do the deal.” And then he walks out,
and he goes to the Republicans, he´s like, “I made a deal.
You´re gonna love it.” [ Laughter ]
-Yeah. -And Mitch McConnell
probably got so angry, his neck started wobbling. He was just like —
He was just like, “Waaah! Waah!” [ Laughter and applause ] -And there is —
It´s scary. Obviously, a lot of people
are scared by Trump, but you do — you see
some humor in it, as well. -Well, here´s the tough thing. You know, people say to me,
they go, like, “Why would you guys laugh?” Two things.
First of all, I´ve had, you know,
the pleasure and I guess
I´ve been blessed enough to travel the world,
see many countries. There are many countries
I´ve been to where people
don´t have free speech, and one of biggest things
that an authoritarian leader tries to remove from you is the ability
to make jokes about them. You know, in South Africa,
you couldn´t tell jokes about the government
during apartheid, and that´s something
that I cherish. Like, a person
is less frightening when you are laughing. It doesn´t diminish
what they do, but it´s how we cope
with these situations. And so for me, you know,
when I look at Donald Trump, I go, he is a paradox
for me, emotionally. On the one hand,
I am terrified at the notion that he´s the president of the most powerful nation
in the world. On the other hand,
I know that I´m gonna wake up and he´s gonna make me laugh. Like, the two things…
-Yeah. -…they co-exist.
-Yeah. -They co-exist.
[ Cheers and applause ] So, like… This is the way I put it.
This is the way — I like to think of it like this. I like to think of it, like,
Donald Trump is basically — He´s an asteroid
headed towards the Earth, and… [ Laughter ] It´s an asteroid,
but it´s shaped like a penis. [ Laughter and applause ] -That´s a very good way
of putting it, yeah. -Yeah. -So it´s like, “Oh, no!”
[ Laughing ] -Exactly!
That´s what I want. That´s all I want. -What do you — Because you are
so well-traveled, what do you think
when you see him talking to world leaders
of other countries? -I´m like, I thank God that we don´t all
speak English around the world. [ Laughter ] You don´t understand
what a difference it makes. Like, I remember traveling
to the Middle East, and I was like,
“Aren´t you guys terrified? Like, he´s loud,
and he´s crazy.” And they´re like, “Oh, no.” People are like,
“It just sounds like he´s speaking Arabic in English.
That is all.” [ Laughter ] Because, like, Arabic is like…
[ Speaking Arabic ] …and then Donald Trump
is like… [ Speaking gibberish loudly ] And people are just like, “Oh!”
It´s, like, “Yeah, I get it.” It´s a cultural thing.
-Yeah. -I don´t think you understand
how cultural it is. Like, you travel
around the world, and there are some places
where they don´t think of Donald Trump
as being as crazy because they don´t understand
the nuances. In English,
he´s completely bonkers. -Yeah.
-Right? Once you translate him,
you find that, like, he just — he loses half of his madness. Not all, but half. -We should, every morning,
translate him into some other language and then have it
translated back to us just to take the edge off of it.