The Best of Ronny Chieng – Wrestling, Bitcoin & The Future of Policing | The Daily Show

– We spend a lot of time here
discussing American stupidity, but we sometimes forget that stupidity knows
no borders. And why would it?
It’s stupid. For more on this,
we’re joined by senior international
correspondent Ronny Chieng, everybody. [cheers and applause] – Hey, everybody, thanks. Thanks, Trevor. I’m actually kind of
from Australia, which you might not know
because of my perfect American accent. But it’s true,
I lived down under for many years,
and everyone thinks Australians are just a bunch of
crazy crocodile wrestlers. And let me just say this. You don’t know the half of it. – Eighteen-year-old
Lee de Paauw, full of Ozzie bravado and bragging to a girl
he just met, deliberately plunged into
crocodile infested waters. – The British tourist
he’d been trying to impress could only watch on in horror as the croc attacked, snapping onto his arm. – I’ve never had a guy
scream like that. [laughter] – What pisses me off is,
idiots like this are why people think
Australia is dangerous. I lived there for ten years,
and nothing happened, okay? Australia is perfectly safe… as long as you stay
out of the rivers ’cause of the jellyfish,
and the ocean because of the sharks,
and the bush because of redback spiders,
and the Outback ’cause– you know what, basically,
just stay in the Sydney Opera House,
that’s… [laughter] That’s where it’s totally safe. Well, except for the opera
snakes, obviously, but… My point is,
Australia can be dangerous if you’re a dumbass! [laughter] But everywhere is dangerous
if you’re a dumbass. A car wash can be dangerous
if you’re a dumbass. [laughter] How did he drown?
I don’t know! He was being a dumbass! [laughter] The most annoying thing
about all this is how he regrets nothing. – Despite being
a North Queensland local and growing up knowing the
dangers of crocs in waterways, the young man denies
he’s done anything wrong. [laughter and applause] – “Haters gonna hate.” Mate. Those aren’t haters. Those are
medical professionals. Right? And they’re not hating. They’re trying to keep you
from bleeding to death. [laughter] And you won’t believe this,
but it seems like his stupid plan
may have worked. – As for the girl
he risked his life for, Lee says it paid off. He’s convinced her
to go on a movie date. – What? What are you doing? You cannot reward
this behavior, all right? Because now every dumbass,
horny 18-year-old is gonna try to slap
an apex predator, because apparently,
that’s what the girls like! [bleep] Millennials. [laughter] This whole story
is just disproving natural selection, all right? Because the guy who jumps
into the crocodile’s mouth is not supposed to
get to breed, all right? But here’s the kicker. – Tell us about the backpacker. Why is she so special? [groans and laughter] – So… after all that,
you [bleep] it up on an unforced error. [laughter] Mate, even the crocodile
is like, “Yo, what you doing? “I was trying to be
your wingman. “I had her all lined up
for you! “Yeah! “You look like a badass,
the chicks dig the scars, “you got her sympathy,
and you still blew it! “All right, we can fix this.
Just give me your other arm. Come on, let’s go.” But you know what,
if the crocodile plan doesn’t work out,
you know what they say. There’s plenty of man-eating
sharks in the sea to [bleep] around with. [upbeat rock music] – Democrats might know
how to rally their base, but when they reach out
to middle America, they say things like… – For working families to get a share
of that prosperity that they’re creating, we need
some serious enforcement of competition laws. – You’re boring! – Can you hear me now?
– Not working. – It’s not working?
– No, it’s not! And, no surprise,
last election, people in swing states
went for a guy who said things like… – Who’s gonna pay for the wall?
all: Mexico! – I’d like to punch him
in the face, I’ll tell you. – Trump honed his trademark
oratorical style– where else?–
in professional wrestling. And if Democrats
were gonna fight back, they needed someone
who could go head-to-head with a WWE Hall of Famer
like Trump. And in the heart
of coal country, we found him. – Shut your ignorant mouths, ’cause the Progressive Liberal
has something to say! [cheering and booing] – Finally, a Democrat
who doesn’t make me want to change the channel. Dan Richards has been
making headlines wrestling as
the Progressive Liberal and riling up
small-town audiences all over Trump country. – Hillary! I should’ve done this! – Oh, Lord, there you go. [booing and jeering] – How hard is it to pretend
to have these liberal values? – Oh, I’m not pretending. – But even if the crowd
hates him, the Progressive Liberal
could teach swing-state Democrats some classic
wrestling techniques for getting voters’ attention. – You want to stick to broad,
brushstroke talking points. – Right.
So, middle America would rather learn
about politics through a mostly naked man
than by reading a book. – Yeah. – The Progressive Liberal had some great ideas for updating
Democrats’ messaging. But could he take on
the heavyweight champion in the White House? Unfortunately,
he was busy golfing. So we cast someone else
to approximate Trump’s rhetorical style. [cheers and applause] – Shut up!
Yeah! – Introducing
the Commander-in-Briefs! – Is it just me,
or is it getting cold in here? ‘Cause that’s–
because that’s a snowflake in the ring! Snowflake!
Snowflake! – I am not a snowflake!
Quit pandering! – I’m not pandering.
I’m one of them. My pandering was working! Time to take this
to the next level. You know what this man wants? Let me guess what you
want to do with the guns in this country. Just let me guess. You want to take them away. – I don’t want to
take away guns. I’m just for really strict
background checks. – Okay, that wasn’t too hard
to understand. And the audience was into it. Okay, fine,
whatever about guns. Let me guess what you want
to do about marijuana! [crowd cheering] – I think what people want
to do behind closed doors should be their business. – Yeah!
– Like hell, you do! – That is my position
as the Progressive Liberal! [cheers and applause] – Looks like broad-brush
talking points work. Especially that marijuana one,
Democrats. So maybe let wrestlers
craft slogans for your next campaign…
like– Or… Or just… But let’s face it–
what really turns on swing-state crowds
isn’t words– it’s action. I don’t care
about your positions, ’cause you suck! – Middle America wants
a strong hero who won’t back down
from a fight. So, Democrats, if you want to
beat a wrestler president, keep it simple,
and go on the offensive. Fake news! Ow! Fake news!
Ow! Fake news. Welcome to the future
of American politics. – Chicago. Big city.
Windy city. Opinionated city. Whether you’re from Hyde Park, Lincoln Park,
or Wicker Park– why is everything a park?–
their food is as iconic
as their corruption. Al’s Italian Beef Sandwich. Garrett’s addictive
popcorn mix. Portillo’s Jumbo Hot Dog. And, of course,
the legendary Chicago pizza I’ve heard so much about. [cheers and applause] What the [bleep] is this? – This is Chicago
deep dish pizza. – Yo, I said I wanted a pizza, not some Italian guy’s dump
on a plate. This looks like me eating pizza
and then throwing it up into a bread bowl and then
leaving it in the sun to dry. – This is how
Chicago does pizza. – I refuse to believe
you can’t get a decent slice of pizza in this city,
all right? This is the birthplace
of Lincoln. Obama. Michael Jordan! – None of those people
were born here! – [bleep] birthers! Ugh. This is what people in Chicago
call pizza? Where can I find a decent slice
in this city instead of this
stupid bull[bleep]? [rousing big band music] I couldn’t find a single place
that sold real pizza. Just these deep dish
dough Dumpsters. This isn’t pizza. This isn’t even human food. After hours of only deep dish, I finally found a place that served delicious,
normal pizza pie. The Cook County Jail. That’s right. The best pizza in Chicago is in the biggest jail
in America. This gourmet pizza
is actually made by and sold to inmates
as part of a training program called Recipe for Change. – Recipe for Change has made it
a point to put together a program where we have
phenomenal pizza. – Thomas Dart is the sheriff
of Cook County Jail. He’s been running the pizza
program for four years. – We have a lot of
good pizza in Chicago. This is really good, though. – What do you mean,
there’s good pizza in Chicago? Have you tried that deep dish
Chicago pizza? – Yeah, but the inmates
didn’t want that. – So you’re telling me,
even in jail, people did not want
deep dish pizza? – They haven’t been
asking for it. – Recipe for Change is one
of several rehab programs out of the Cook County Jail, along with drumming,
painting, chess, gardening, and more. So what made you become
a hero sheriff and not a Joe Arpaio sheriff? – You know,
recidivism rate’s, like, 70%. It’s expensive
to incarcerate people. It’s not expensive
to give them a skill. – The man giving them
that skill? Local restaurateur
Chef Bruno Abate, who volunteers his time
and expertise to teach inmates how to cook the best pizza
in Chicago. Chef, what do you think
about this deep dish pizza? – It’s garbage.
People should not eat this. It’s like a brick. Look at this. Look. I mean, I don’t know
where you buy this. I don’t want to know. But this is shame. – After a straight hour
of [bleep] on deep dish pizza, Chef Bruno finally got around
to telling me more about how his program
is affecting inmates. – The program,
Recipe for Change, is here to open your mind, to open your brain,
give you hope, give you self-esteem,
give you dignity. – Give you pizza. – Everyone
in the Cook County Jail wants to be a part
of this great program. – I learned how to be
a better leader. – I learned how to work
with a lot of other people. – Basically, I’ve learned
how to eat better. – It was great to be with
people in Chicago who understood what pizza’s supposed to look
and taste like. Guys, this pizza
is genuinely awesome. You must have people lining up
around the block to buy this. – Actually, it’s only
for inmates. – Guys, we gotta rescue Chicago from that bull[bleep]
deep dish pizza! – Look, I know
the pizza’s great, but this is not how
you deal with conflict. – All right.
I’ll be right back. – Hey.
Where you going with the pizza? – Ronny knew pizza this good
wasn’t meant to be caged. He also really loved
prison escape movies. – Ronny. Where are you? Look at the bastard. [dramatic music] ♪ ♪ [laughter] They will love the pizza. Where’s he taking the pizza?
Why you don’t… – In October 2017, Ronny Chieng smuggled
thin crust pizza out of Cook County Jail. Oh, Ronny loved pizza. But he also hated
Chicago deep dish. He had to find a way
to get thin crust pizza to the people of Chicago. All it takes to get pizza out
is cheese, dough, and time. That and a big-ass poster. ♪ ♪ Ronny Chieng… he crawled through
a river of marinara and came out
smelling like basil. ♪ ♪ – Thanks to President Trump, 2017 was a huge year
for totally made-up stuff. But there is one totally
made-up thing that has proven to be
the opposite of completely worthless. – It is the hottest currency
in the world. The Bitcoin. In the past 12 months,
investors have driven the value up
nearly 1,500%. – We sent our very own
Ronny Chieng to find out more about them. – Cryptocurrency. Is it some fake [bleep]
some [bleep] nerds made up on the Internet
to steal our money? Or is it the future of finance? There is no way
all these people buying cryptocurrency
have any idea what the hell
they’re investing in. And it’s not just Bitcoin. Ethereum,
the number two cryptocurrency, has risen 5,000%
since the start of this year. Why?! – If you imagine Bitcoin
as being a gold coin,
Ethereum is a coin that has a magic spell in it. – What the hell
does that mean? I spoke with one of
the founders of Ethereum, Joe Lubin, to find out. First question: what is it? What is it? – Ether, the cryptocurrency
that lives on the decentralized
Ethereum platform, is actually
a much more programmable cryptocurrency than Bitcoin. – That doesn’t mean anything. What is it? – We created a platform for decentralized applications. – Does everyone in
cryptocurrency talk like you? – Pretty much. – Is it just everyone
just going, “Decentralized… [mumbling indistinctly]
…and drugs online”? – Exactly. – Does cryptocurrency
make you feel angry and confused? Well, it should. To make it easier
to understand, we ripped off “The Big Short”
and asked Margot Robbie to explain it
in a bubble bath. But she said no. Cryptocurrencies are
transparent and decentralized. When two strangers exchange
money over the Internet, it requires a middleman,
like PayPal or a bank, who takes a percentage
of the transaction. And that transaction
is vulnerable to hacking. Cryptocurrencies are recorded
in a public ledger called the blockchain,
so it’s impossible to cheat. They actually solve
a lot of problems with exchanging money
in a global, digital world. Now, get the [bleep]
out of here! I’m trying to take a bath. But still, is that worth
a bajillion dollars? Why do so many suckers
on the Internet– sorry, I mean people– believe fake money has value? – Ether’s real. It’s based on faith
in the Ethereum blockchain. When you get enough people
believing in cryptocurrency, then you can snowball
into something that a society
actually deems valuable, like the U.S. dollar. – Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean,
the U.S. dollar? – The U.S. dollar is based on
faith in the system. – So the only thing
backing this money is belief in the competency
of the U.S. government? – Unfortunately, that’s true. – Damn! So not only is
cryptocurrency fake– all money is fake! Wake up, Wall Street! You know money isn’t real,
right? All this stuff is all fake. But Wall Street doesn’t care
if money is real, as long as they’re making
lots of it. They’ve been pumping millions
into Bitcoin and Ethereum, driving the creation
of thousands of new cryptocurrency. But how low is the bar
for entry? Let me get this straight.
You took Bitcoin, and you just changed the font
to Comic Sans? – And we put a dog on it. – This was the guy to talk to. So tell me about the genesis
of “Dog-e-coin.” – Well, firstly, it’s Dogecoin. [laughs]
But I created– – Why is it “Doge”? – It’s actually
based on a meme. – What, it’s not “Dog-e-coin”?
– A lot of people– – Electronic coin?
“Dog-e-coin”? – Oh, that’s pretty smart,
actually. – It’s not.
But guess what? This stupid meme currency
is worth almost $400 million! So why does its creator
have some problems with cryptocurrency? – When you see price charts go up and to the right
exponentially, ultimately, it can be
a sign of a bubble. – Yeah, bubbles are great,
what are you talking about? I love bubbles. – People are gonna lose
a bunch of money. – And sure,
cryptocurrency might destroy the planet
through climate change and supporting
rogue nuclear states, but… …this is America! So I decided to make
my own cryptocurrency. But that has to be
an incredibly complex– Done. That was easy. I did it! It literally takes ten minutes to go on a website
and make your own coin. Time to make it rain
Chiengcoin and kick-start
the financial revolution. Do you accept Chiengcoin? – Chiengcoin’s like Bitcoin. It’s disrupting
global financial systems using blockchain technology. – No? – I’ll send you money
over the Internet. – I’m gonna demonstrate. So, imagine,
if I send you this. Right? – No, no, but digitally. No. No, no. No, give me back my 5. How are people
not getting this? No, I’m paying you.
I’m paying you in Chiengcoin. – Get the [bleep] out
of my cab! Out of my cab! – Remember this moment. Remember this moment
when you had a chance to jump on Chiengcoin
and you didn’t. All right?
His loss. Invest in Chiengcoin! Just don’t ask me
how it works. [cheers and applause] [upbeat dance music] – Take it from this shoplifter
wanted in five countries– police all over the world
have a hard job. So, to stay ahead
of the criminals, they are using
the latest technology, starting with this idea
from Dubai. – Dubai has–
they put out the prototype for what might be
policing of the future. Take a look at this. It is called
the Scorpion Hoverbike. – Whoa! – It is meant
for the Dubai police force. It can go as high as 16 feet, so well above traffic, and can go pretty fast,
43 miles an hour, and with the proper charge
can last about 25 minutes. – Wow. Your sky lawnmower can go
40 miles an hour for 25 whole minutes. Oh, no one’s gonna escape
the long arm of the law now. I can see the police
already being like, “Sorry, Chief.
We would’ve caught him, “but he just kept driving. I mean, I don’t know
what I’m supposed to do!” Also, I love the unguarded
spinning blade feature. I don’t know
if it solves crime, but it definitely solves
the problem of bystanders having heads. [laughter] Meanwhile, in America,
police in Georgia have their own version
of the future, and it’s this. – Lieutenant Jeff McCommon
announced Arno as the newest member
of the force– there he is–
the robot dog is a way to help the department
connect with children in a friendly, fun way. He hopes Arno will help
build trust between young people
and the police. – What the hell was that? [laughter and applause] The police got a robot
that couldn’t even get hired at Chuck E. Cheese. Also, you don’t need a robot
dog to impress kids, okay? Just get a real dog. If a kid sees a Labrador,
he loses his goddamn mind. Plus, they’re taking jobs away
from real dogs, okay? Now they’re gonna be out
on the streets, dealing drugs,
selling their doggy bodies, and now you have even more
crime than you started with. [laughter] But at least some parts
of America aren’t totally behind. – The LAPD is closer
to getting its hands on drones. CBS 2’s Dave Lopez is live
at police headquarters with the story. Dave? – Well, I’m with
a little friend, Pat, or a prop here, if you will,
the drone right next to me, I’m standing at
LA police headquarters, where, right you are,
they took step one in making drones
part of the arsenal. – That’s right,
the LAPD is getting drones, and, because it’s LA,
you know those drones are just gonna get stuck
in traffic, all right? Listen, I don’t want a police
drone following me, all right? I already got Alexa and Siri
snitching on me. I swear to God,
if one of those drones came anywhere near me,
I would swat its metal ass out of the sky so fast,
you wouldn’t… Oh. Oh. [bleep].
Trevor, they’re onto me. Yo, I was just joking!
I love drones! Some of my best friends
are drones!

100 thoughts on “The Best of Ronny Chieng – Wrestling, Bitcoin & The Future of Policing | The Daily Show”

  1. My god (note, i don't believe), Ronny Chieng making me laughing so hard, I even feel good today in the "Trump" era, which no laugh is available.

  2. 19:52 I swear the God if one of those drones are following me, I will swat his middle ass, so fast!!!

    That literally had me laughing my ass out. He was completely pissed off.???

  3. Am i the only one who loves the chefs accent? Or mayb they brought him to teach them koz with that accent aint nobody gonna try to shank his ass.

  4. Master it seems the student has surpassed the teacher C.C. Give this young talented handsome ??? man his own correspondent show

  5. stupid liberal, wasting so much food in a city where thousands go to bed hungry.

    In Korea, you would lose your job for promoting waste
    . And writing "S*#$s" next to Holy Bible is just evil, if anybody thinks that was coincidence, pull your head out of your ass.
    neither one of these effeminate sodomites are anywhere near funny.

  6. Texas needs that Pizza! As a guy that came to Dallas from NY(I know, why would I do that in the first place) the only good Pizza place around me, ran and owned by a New Yorker closed! Why? Everyone eats chain pizza like Pizza Hut. Save me from the hell that is chain restaurants! Don’t get me started on Hot dogs and Italian food here. The only saving grace is the Mexican food here.

  7. Ronny to taxi cab driver: "Remember this Moment! When you had a chance to jump on Chieng-Coin and didn't!" LMAO

  8. ? he’s so disrespectful to deep dish pizza!! All that good Chicago pizza that was wasted ??‍♀️

  9. Ok… So funny but that Dubai police bike, you don't know how small Dubai is and with traffic there, 25mins would be enough to catch a lot of brags

  10. The wall street one reminded me of when I turned specific pine cones into different levels of currencies, idk why or how it got to be like it did but kids loved it and for like half the school year we had pinecone bartering. Money is what we make it. LMAO ?

  11. calls himself the progression liberal and then wears a Hillary shirt. That's as far away from progressive u can get. Hillary is a corporate shill, noting progressive about her

  12. OH MY GOD. GUYS, I have a CRAZY IDEA. No, hear me out. Want to get young kids liking police? I know this is crazy, but MAYBE STOP MURDERING THEIR PARENTS IN COLD BLOOD.

  13. I'm watching this today and still laughing out loud, especially when that guy said passionately "non of those people were born here" he was like 'maaan I can so grab your b'lls'???

  14. hes funny for sure. but somehow he gives me the feel hes trying abit too hard. he needs to hone and be abit more natural.

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