Bitcoin and Friends | Episode 3

Hey everyone, before the episode gets
started, we wanted to say thank you to our sponsor, Loom Network. You might know them as the creators of Crypto Zombies, the most popular blockchain code school,
where over four hundred and fifteen thousand developers have learned to code
Etherium Dapps. Most importantly, Loom Network is a blockchain platform that’s specifically optimized for user facing applications, like games or our social networks that run fully on the blockchain. So, if you’re a Dapp developer
who needs a platform optimized for fast transaction times, a buttery smooth user
experience, and high transaction throughput, Loom is exactly what you’re
looking for, in fact there’s a ton of developers building their projects on
Loom right this second. So, if you’re a blockchain developer interested in sharing your creation with the world, you should do it on the Loom Network for
sure. I can even see it now, your Dapp becomes insanely popular and nerds around the world love you. Beautiful women start frolicking on you as you bathe in endless riches. I mean, let’s be honest, even Mitalik getting laid. And then, at the peak of your fame, someone named Craig Wright ends up taking all the credit for your hard work. So actually, maybe don’t get too famous. Well, since the only thing certain in this life is uncertainty, anything can happen. It’s hard to say. Ask my dad. Anyhow, if you’re a blockchain developer, you should go to the Loom Network and deploy your Dapp there, you know, so we can all use it, like right after this episode is over. Thanks Loom! Proof of the defeat, sir. Leave us be Alfred. Let the Patriots revel in their foolish hope. Next year we will rebuild it and destroy
this Bitcorn. He struck the Dollar Bot’s head clean from its shoulders with one
fell swoop sir. I saw it with my own eyes. Alfred I don’t pay for your opinions, I pay you to clean up after me, book
appointments, and check on my tonsils. Now leave us in peace. Tut tut, it looks like rain. I’m happy to report the Big Bank’s fourth quarter results have never been better. We’ve released 10,000 adjustable rate mortgages this past week alone. And we’re hoping to double it with the release of our new product. Gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to the Big Bank’s latest, greatest invention. Pulse Loans: if you have a pulse, you get a loan. I came up with a slogan myself. We’re launching the pilot program this week. Untapping, a goldmine we’ve been sitting on for centuries gentlemen, children. Now toddlers of all ages can
achieve their dreams of owning Tonka trucks and every video game system
imaginable. Genius. But Sir how are we gonna fund all these bad loans? Leave that to me intern Gary! With our new Pulse Loans combined with our other products we’re anticipating a bankruptcy rate of 99% boys. Once the homeowners default on their mortgages they need a place to live right? Well, who better than Congressman Candy to come in and save the day. Candy’s campaign will platform on one word: sympathy. Candy will produce rent-controlled, low-income housing, which will boost his approval ratings. The homeless will seek candy as their savior, strengthen his position as mayor of our city, while I will be painted as a corporate villain. And thus, the voters will push heavier legislative power into our hands. Sir, reporting. The brief was given to Jamus. And? He’s following along as instructed. It was as if he came up with the ideas himself. And what of the Dollar Bot? He was dismissive. That’s what I expected. Should I tell him? No. The fool won’t see the bigger picture. It’s best that we leave him in the dark. Sound I commence with the bot’s rebuild sir? No, I have much bigger plans at work. Stay with Jamus and ensure he doesn’t do anything rash. Yo, anyone home? Hello? Take the blue popsicle, you leave here
and forget I ever invited you. Take the red popsicle I tell you everything about me and introduce you to a whole new world. Did you steal these ‘sicles for my truck? No. You sure? I didn’t. I don’t need to eat no popsicle. You’re the Dreaded Pirate. Your ass put me out of a job. Just take the popsicle. Oh, I wan’t in on all this. You hear me? We send off my war men to bring icecream back from icecream town. It is by my hand that you will taste the great sherbets of this world. It all started with just a little pile
of cow shit and shrooms. I can’t manage it alone. I’d like you two to join me. What do you say gentlemen? This is some big-time shit right here. You know what a kingpin is Ross? Minimum life sentence, no chance of parole, maximum of the death penalty. I’m willing to take the risk. If you get killed, they won’t say you were
murdered. It will say you were assassinated. What’s the big difference? Only famous ass people get assassinated. Carl, we’ve got your outfit for you today. Are we gonna be good today Carl? Carl? Carl is in route. Dr. Brady, over. Carl. Surprise!!! You look great. Did you lose weight or
something? It’s his hair! You’re right I love the short hair Carl. Did the resort stylists do that for you? Step aside, it’s time for Carl’s present. The Desert Eagle Excalibur. They issue them right after you left for
vacation, Carl. We all pitched in and got your name engraved on the trigger. Buttery trigger isn’t it Carl. Come on back to the office. I’ve got something very important to talk to you about. I’ve been in this racket a long time Carl. I’ve worked with a lot of agents and what you need is a little autonomy. I’ve got the perfect case for your return. Something that will truly capture your vivid imagination. Narcotics, Carl. A new drug lord is on the rise
Carl. Using the Tor network and a new digital currency called Bitcoin. We need someone like you Carl, a real method detective. Look, normally my ass is the
irresponsible one, but B’s been a little unstable as
of late. He needs some different direction in his life. That’s exactly what this is. This is his direction. To help fight the systemic use of force by decentralizing money and thus power. I get the feeling I’m a in for lecture. The war on drugs has been one of the most catastrophic failures of modern times. It denies us our fundamental rights, oppresses the poor and minorities, and cost taxpayers trillions of dollars. Drug abuse isn’t a criminal problem, it’s a social problem. So you don’t feel guilty enabling the crackheads out there? Well, you were a dealer, did you? Hell yeah. I felt guilty as hell. But ultimately, I needed the bread, in my throat. We don’t have the right to tell people what we can put in their bodies but what we can do is provide a safe way for drugs to be exchanged. And get rich as a motherfucker… And get rich too. Look here man. All this might be true but the one you need to convince is B. What do you mean? I mean he’s on board Decentralization is the next step in a species’ evolution. Bitcoin will usher in a new era if we are not careful. We cannot allow the humans to advance into a great civilization. Your task is to muddle and confuse the humans. Of all our species, we have chosen you. You will create a great diversion. You and only you are capable of creating something as shitty as we need. How we doin’ B? I’m doing great, this stuff is doing wonders for my existence crisis. B listen. Looking back at my own life I realized I buried a lot of my pain in drugs and now I’m looking at you going down that same path. I’m doing fine Jones, like you said, if my dad isn’t here, forget him. B I’m not sure you were meant to stir meth and shovel shit, man. Some of us have a higher calling. You know what I’m talking about? Well, everyone says I need to do this and do that and change the world. What if I don’t want to change the world, Jones? What if I just want to eat brownies or something? Then that kind of makes you a douche, man. What’s that? It’s a device that women… Listen B, most people would kill to have your gifts. You can’t let that go to waste. Says who? Says… me. I’m worried about him too, Jones. Listen, I’m thinking if our asses could find Satoshi we could set him straight. I’m right in the middle of something. I can’t be bothered right now, Jones. Ask Harold. He might help. Can’t that shit wait? Trust me Jones, I’ve got a plan. It’s happening, it’s happening. It’s finally happening! Hello Mitalik. Oh no. What did I do wrong? Hello. If I move the body function over to the root class and then recompile. Come on Mitalik, think, think! I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse. Mmm. I’m gonna make you an offer you
can’t refuse. Hmm. I’m gonna make you an offer you
can’t refuse. Uhuhmm. I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse. Packages away my boys. Packages away. Farewell to boarded doors we drive at break of day. Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of appointed rounds. Blue and red and white we wear. With a friendly smile. When you see our trucks drive by you know your shit’s arrived. Seven days a week we work, once ’twas only six. All for you dear citizen. UPS and FedEx suck a dick. Hello? Hello? I need some stamps. Hello? Oh, hey Ross, sorry. I’ll get back to work soon, it’s just getting hard to walk. It’s no use, B. We can’t keep up with the orders. Wait Ross, wait. Do you want to maybe
spend some time together? I want you to take the rest of the week off. I really need to brainstorm. I figured you could take a vacation. Satoshi. Hey Jones, Ross gave me a bunch of itty bitties. Would you want to spend some time together? What the hell kind of name is this? Sounds like a damn electronic… [Dialtone] You’ve reached Harold. If you’re getting my voicemail either I don’t want to talk to you or off with your mom. Leave me a message. [Beep] Dad? Are you up there? If you could come talk to me, dad, I’d really appreciate it. I’m kind of lonely. Okay, so uh, $5,000 cash for 125 BTC. Thanks, have a good day now. Yeah, thanks man. You too. I love these shoes. Oh me too girl. $122.74 please. You look great. I’d like one Cherry Throat Gulp. Cherry Gulp. [Cash register sound] Definitely go with the Hoverboard X. Woah! Sick board. Woah! I love it dad. Oh these are super cool! Thanks dad. Oh my gosh a skateboard! I love you dad. Yeah so uh, I don’t want anything fancy. I just, you know, I want something to browse the internet and that kind of thing. So…. You basically just want to watch porn. I didn’t say that. You’re gonna want to go with this laptop here, it’s the wet wipe of the laptop world. So, you can just pitch them once your
computer gets infested with viruses. Thanks. Hey man, what are you doing here? Hey Harold. I’m interested in buying some things. That’s a big bag you got there. I sold some itty bitties. Management is going to love me. Follow me this way B. We’re gonna go to the section where we
don’t let any poor people in. This is our 72 inch ultra high-def TV, true colors, non-reflective surface, four thousand dollars plus tax. I’ve got a lot here.
Do you have anything more expensive? Uuhh, you could buy two of them. You got a ride? Hmm, I hadn’t thought about that. You want me to call you a cab? Actually I’ve got another idea. [Sound of B puking] Excuse me Mr.? Bitcoin, my friends call me B. Mr. Bitcoin, I’m sorry to keep you waiting. I see you’ve been making quite the mess of our showroom. Sorry I can’t help it. Karen, can you come clean up this shit. I’m gonna have to ask you to leave then. Well, but before I go, is this enough money to buy one of your driving machines? This is our most popular model the Tesseract XT. The custom leather interior comes with cabin space for our wider customers. This is the perfect car for your son. Five star safety features for when Timmy makes poor decisions on the road. What do you think son? I love it so much dad! You know what, we’re gonna take it. Shall we start the paperwork? I want something cooler. This car is stupid. Coming in at $80,000 and 8,000 horsepower, this beauty gets two miles to the gallon and features the echo muffler, which maximize sound output. You want it cool? This is it. We’ll even throw in a booster seat. Hmm, does it come in my color? Nice car, you’re cool! I am? Can you even see us? A little. It’s hard for me to turn my head. What are you up to tonight big guy? Let me introduce you to Colt, Kev, Trevor, Tiffany, Stacy, and I’m Tiffany #2. Hey everyone. Everyone this is B he’s super chill and is loaded. Yeah, I’ve got a lot of money here. And he loves spending it! Don’t you B? Yeah I got a hover board, two big TVs, also this really big car that that’s my color. Do you wanna spend any more of it? Oh yeah, I was planning on spending the rest of it tonight. Well what are we waiting for? I fucking love clubs! Do it again! Now the other thing! So hot! So cute! Bro! How about another round of drinks? Get the best kind, Kev. Sometimes you have to live life on the
top shelf. Mmhmm, yeah you do! Yeah… Yo yo yo! I want to give a shout-out to my dad! Bro’s turning 50 today and still dancing hard. Happy Father’s Day dad. Love you bro. Fuck you! I have a delivery for a Mr. Montana? [Snorting sound] Oh, that’s good stuff. Oh, that hits the spot. Sir, umm, Carl is doing cocaine in his office. How many times I have to tell
you Karen? He’s in character. Sometimes it’s hard to see why he does the things
he does because you have a simple mind Karen. He is a genius. Let him do his work and stop bothering me. Ok sir. And Karen… Yeah? His name’s The Grandfather. Did you ask Mitalik? Come on man. I can’t do this shit. I’m from the streets. This is a whole new game to me. Look man, I’m really busy right now. Don’t play me like that. I can hear that bullshit through the phone. Dude, this whole Bitcoin thing is a fad. Since when do people care about new financial systems? Look man, I can’t explain it. His orange ass just inspires me. That’s all I know. You know what inspires me? Taking my Sword of Thundar and bashing noob’s skulls with it and then shoving it down their throat and cutting out their spine and bathing in the blood of my fallen enemies. It’s a whole thing man. I’m not coming over in case that wasn’t clear. Check this out. Listen to me. I’ve got about a half pound of blueberry kush in it for you if you help. Looks like my schedule just cleared up. I’ll be over in 15 minutes. You’re so great. I want to be with you forever. Thanks Britt, you’re pretty great too. I just wanted to say, I’m just having such a good day and all. You know, buying things and
hanging out. Sometimes I get anxious and depressed about things but I just feel so good. Hey, yo, Bitcoin we’re out of Xanie bars. Oh, oh, sorry about that Kev. Let me get some more money here for you. Bro can I get that money? Oh, almost have it Kev. Oh boy… I think I’m out Kev. What?! I’m sorry Kev. I’m sure I can get more tomorrow if you could, if you could wait. Fuck this! Tiffany, Britt, Colt, Tiffany Two – lets roll out. But wait. Britt, I thought you said we were friends. We were Bitcoin but… Let’s go Britt. Kev, wait! Maybe I could drive
you home at least. I’ve got my orange car and all. Nah, bro. Oh my gosh!

100 thoughts on “Bitcoin and Friends | Episode 3”

  1. Holy shit. These episodes are not just entertaining anymore. If any of you have an eye for the absolute truth and dive a little bit into conspiracy, this episode will make a lot more sense to you and probably blow your mind. This was my favorite episode yet. Thanks for showcasing your awareness

  2. Good effort guys and keep pushing. But since episode 1 it has gone down hill. Need to find that extra something!

  3. Loved the first two episodes, but there was really no need to make LTC and Charlie Lee look so bad. You guys use an LTC wallet to collect donations, but you talk trash about it here. That's just messed up.

  4. if B is so negative about Litecoin and Charlie Lee, what the future episodes have in mind for Ripple, Tether and Tron? 😕 .. $Doge should be safe, is it? 🙂 … Another great one!! TX

  5. No pulse? No problem! Here at the Big Bank we have financial products for everyone. From the young to the old, for the living and the dead. Call today to see if you qualify for a pulsless loan!

  6. For everyone who haven't claimed their $50 free Stellar (XLM) with Coinbase Earn yet!

  7. Some hip hop music in the program would be nice. I love what you guys are doing. Have given you all my BAT with Brave. Keep up the awesome work.

  8. I think you should add DigiByte to the Mix>>Think of the
    possibilities. like being super IGNORED for it's tech capabilities! Yet
    constantly saving the day for coins like DOGE ZCASH and like 12 others .
    Yet maintaining the fastest longest most secure w 5 algos (now with
    Odocrypt feature<<shape shifting abilities) UTXO out
    there>>POWERFUL and yet IGNORED! he could be the red headed
    stepchild of Bitcoin or something. Use your genius 😉 lol.

  9. All the little signs and witty stuff in the background in every episode are some of the best things going. I am excited to see Litecoin make an appearance. Keep up the good work!

  10. Kinda lost me with this one. You’re gonna shill Loom Network, then try to make Ether & Litecoin look dopey..? I know it’s just a cartoon, but Bitcoin is the “slow one”. Lol!

  11. When you make Bitcoin hardfork characters like Bitcoin Cash, SV, Gold Diamond etc please make them out to be bitcoins retarded lil brothers ?

  12. Mommy is Satoshi nakamoto..
    I came up with your idea from your creators software then had my Engineer update you to be what you are today. I am the trust holder and white owner. I'm a women. Your welcome!! McAfee will not denie me.

  13. Pleas send me ne bitcoin to this address bc1qe82zs5nj0vyssvn230eghf9urzce2z75505lu9 I'm single mother and have no job. Pleas help me I have no sopurt

  14. I just realized bitcoins car is a hummer, he chose the most energy exhaustive car he could ? attention to detail

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